One Thing I Learned: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Saintliness is quite sterile; or, the dead buy forgiveness cheap.
What it means to forgive, apparently, can mean quite different things to different people.
In a justice-based theory of forgiveness, contrition must be expressed in a way that persuades that the wrongdoer fully grasps the depth of their wrong, and an act of restitution must be made that at least gestures towards the scope of the healing that is required. That is, forgiveness is not a unilateral act, it is cooperative. When this is undertaken, it permits the wronged party to rationally assume that the wrongdoer has legitimately reformed, and can be trusted in a reconstituted relationship.
When this is not undertaken, the wronged party can devoutly say, “Oh, I forgive,” but they cannot truly say they trust the wrongdoer not to repeat the offense with themselves or another that they hold dear. They cannot subject themselves or others to the risk of the same harm with a spirit of intimacy and vulnerability. The act of magnanimity may look good on the cover of a magazine, but it is hollow if it cannot be linked to a reconstituted relationship. It is as much as to say, you are no longer the object of my anger, because I am above being hurt by you.
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood gets around this, of course, by killing off the sinner in a hurry. It’s bargain basement prices for forgiveness when you’re not going to be around to hurt people in the future.